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MURPHY ELECTED! ATTRIBUTES VICTORY TO "LIES; DIRTY TRICKS"
November 8, 2000- Yesterday, Brian Murphy(R-LA) was overwhelmingly elected
president over Vice President
Al Gore(D-TN). Speaking from his home in
Louisiana, the president-elect attributed his victory to lies and dirty tricks.
"It was certinally helpful to the campaign when a steamer trunk full of gay
pornography was 'found' in Mr. Gore's
office in the White House. I don't know,
how that story got leaked to the press," the president-elect said while
he and
advisor Johnathan Choate surpressed laughter. "Then there was that moment right
before the last debate
when the vice president drank from a water bottle that
had Ecstacy inside of it which made him go crazy in front of
an aydience of
millions. His aides really should have been on top of that"
Although the president-elect
attributes his victory to Gore's gaffes, voters
have another reason for the Murphy victory. "Well, I was planning
to vote for
Murphy as a goof, because I thought he had no chance of winning. I thought it
would be a funny story
to tell around the water cooler, that I voted for Murphy.
Then I woke up this morning, and he's the new president! Holy
schlamozie!" said
New Jersey bricklayer Anton Donnahue. Apparently, many voters hand the same
idea, only
to be surprised this morning with news of a Murphy victory.
MURPHY INAUGURATED: "Be afraid" New President Proclaims
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