Republic of Tea Saga

After a full week of fighting, American Special Forces soldiers have assisted the People's Green Berets in quelling the Marxist rebel uprising in the Republic of Tea. A full and unconditional surrender was announced today from the republic's capitol city of Cammomeal. Since Americans arrived in the rebel held jungles last week, they have succeeded in flushing the rebels from the jungles around the capitol city. American and Republic of Tea Special Forces have captured or killed nearly 7,000 Marxist rebel fighters. Rebel leader Mr. Coffee, however; is still in exile somewhere in the remote reaches of the island nation. A spokesman for Coffee has described him as being both "steamed" and "roasted" that his uprising was quelled. Coffee is said to be vowing revenge against president Brian THE MURPHDAWG Murphy

Monday September 9, 2002

My fellow Americans, I come before you today with a message of great urgency. As we speak, violent rebel terrorists are attempting to overthrow the leaders of the Republic of Tea.

I call them terrorists because that's what they are. They are no more than a bunch of jack-booted thugs who are attempting to topple the legitiment rule of my good friend, the Earl of Grey. My fellow Americans, this will not stand! If these terrorists are not stopped, they will be in our homes, schools, and even our churches. I make no distinction between Mr. Coffee's rebel warlords and the warlords of Al Qeda. That is why I have decided to send American troops into the Republic of Tea to quash the uprising once and for all. Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

Early Tuesday morning, American Special Forces invaded the jungles of the Republic of Tea. In a Monday evening address, the president informed the public to send peace keeping forces to the area. American troops will aid the People's Green Berets in defeating Marxist rebels led by the infamous Mr. Coffee. Fighting in the early hours has been sporadic, but it has been reported that elements of the rebel force have surrendered to American and Tea Special Forces. The White House Press Office will keep you updated on the latest dvelopments.

Violence erupted Monday in the Republic Of Tea. Marxist rebels have gained ground in the jungles around the capitol city of Cammomeal. Members of the Republic's army have fought valiantly to curb the uprising, but casualties have been heavy as rebel forces led a man known as "Mr. Coffee" fight fiercly. In responce, the Republic's leader, the Earl of Grey, has ordered "The People's Green Berets"(the country's elite fighting force) into the rebel held jungle.

At the White House, the president has asked for Congressional approval to send U.S. troops to the island nation to help curb the uprising. "If you ask me, a fascist dictator is better than a Marxist dictator any day of the week," the president said to a meeting of Congressional leaders. The president and the Earl have been good friends ever since the president visited the Republic last May. Opposition in Congress is stiff, and the Earl has commented that the rebels may have the island's capitol before U.S. troops are deployed, anyway. In that case, the president has offered the Earl political asylum.