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A Navy SEAL team has been deployed to Lake Pontratrain to find and arrest known terrorist and 2000's NFL Coach of the
Year Jim Haslett. After discovering Haslett's evil plan Friday to destroy the American Football Conference, the administration
has been working nonstop to arrest the coach of the New Orleans Saints. In a video letter to the president on Saturday, Haslett
stated that the president, "may not want to destroy the AFC, but I dooooo." Haslett was then called away because his "smoke
and pancake" were ready for consumption.
In a Monday press conference, Attorney General Johnny Cochran stated that Haslett's plot was "Ridiculous, salacious,
pretentious, and outrageous! Our dragnet will not decrease 'till Haslett's madness has ceased!" In a bizzare development,
an FBI search of Haslett's office revealed that the coach has been hoarding coffee beans native only to the rebel held regions
of the Republic of Tea. It is unknown at this time whether or not Haslett has any ties to Marxist rebel leader Mr. Coffee.
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