In a move that has angered many American environmental weenies, the CENTCOM General Tommy Franks has ordered the rebel
heald jungles of the Republic of Tea to be burned to the ground. In a press breifing, Franks stated that the jungles had to
be destroyed so that they could be saved. "Burning them to the ground, was the only way possible to save them from Communist
incursion. Mr. Coffee will now have to find another place to hide."
Critics of the president are calling it a desperate attempt to end the war that so far has resulted in an embarassing
U.S. quagmire. Speaking from the Senate floor, Ted Kennedy stated his party's frustration with the situation. "Mistah President,
this waah haas gone on long enough! Congress has allocated faah more money for the effort than the situation calls for, and
victory still eludes us. The situation haas driven me to drink even more than I usually do. When my livah haas to be removed,
sir, I aaam sending you the medical bills!"
White House Press Secretary John Rocker summed up the president's view by saying that if the Senator spent less
time drinking, and more time working for the American people, Mary Jo Kopechne would still be alive.
