Nation's Military at DefCon 3 After Haslett's Rocket-Propelled boat Seen Near NORAD

The nation's military has been placed at Defense Condition 3 afer the evil Jim Haslett's rocket boat was seen near NORAD. It is unknown what the evil coach plans to do to our aerospace defense system, but President Murphdawg isn't taking any chances. All airline flights have been halted, and the Colorado air national guard has been given orders to "shoot to kill." This was the first Haslett sighting since he disapeared from his underwater compound in New Orleans.