With summer quickly approaching, you kids will no doubt be ready for your summer vacation. Not only that, you white, middle-class kids will probably be going on a pretty nifty summer trip with your family(thanks to the president's fair and evenhanded middle class tax cuts). With that in mind, let me give you a few tips that will help you out during your roadtrip to many of the patriotic vacation sites in America.

Freedom's Trip Tips

1.Did you know that you could help the government fight terrorism during your summer vacation? It's true! All you need to do is be observent when you're on the road with mom
and dad. If you see anyone in their car with a beard, turbin, or shifty eyes, you can call the FBI. It's not just a fun game to play with brother and sis, it's your patriotic duty. If your info leads to the arrest of a filthy, freedom hating terrorist, you'll get a nifty form letter from our attorney general!

2. Did you know that it's unpatriotic to eat at a resturant, stay at a hotel or visit a vacation spot that isn't corporatly operated or sponsored? It's true! When you eat at a mom and pop resturant, stay at a hotel that isn't run by many of the fine hotel chains, or visit a vacation spot other than a Six Flags or whathave you, you might as well be sponsering terrorism. You see, small business is run by people that really don't know what they're doing. People who would be better suited in the gas pumping, or grass cutting industries. So when mom and pop pull the family SUV into some uncorporate joint for lunch, tell them
from me that they're ripping the fabric of America to shreds! Then ask them to take you to McDonalds.

3. Did you know that mom and pop might be terrorists? It's true! Sure, they make you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drive you to your soccer games, but that doesn't mean that they're not guilty of terrorism. Think for a second, do mom and pop often want to be alone at night? If they do, it's probably because they are sending coded messages to other terrorist cells posing as parents. I'll let you in on a secret, though: Vacation time is the best time to catch them sending these terrorist messages. When on vacation,people(even moms and dads) let their guard down and relax. That's when you can catch them planning their evil deeds! Call the FBI, and the president will do what he can to make sure you're sent to a patriotic, American foster family!

With those helpful tips, you're sure to have a fun, patriotic vacation. I hope you've enjoyed your time at White House for kids. As for me, I'm off to see what super cool thing our great president is up to. Rrrrrrrrrruf!