President appoints commission to
look into Crazy Train derailment


The president announced this morning that he was appointing a Transportation Department commission to look into what he called the "Crazy Train" derailment yesterday. Apparently,while the president was playing raquetball with
Vice President T, one of the vice president's tooth fillings started to pick up radio transmissions from a
nearby train. "The conductor kept saying,'I'm going off the rails in a crazy train,'" said the president when he
made the announcement."That was his last transmission that Mr. T's filling picked up. Either we lost the signal, or
the train did in fact go'off the rails.' As soonas we find the derailment site, the panel of experts that I have
appointed will study the evidence and find out
exactly why the 'crazy' train derailed," the
president stated.